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Find a boyfriend: 15 tips from professional matchmakers

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match / Find me a find, catch me a catch." We've come a long way from the era depicted in the classic musical Fiddler on the Roof, when parents routinely hired someone to find their adult children a "perfect match." We've now got the freedom to be our own matchmakers, but there's still a catch. It's not always an easy task! Consequently, many singles are enlisting the help of professional cupids whose business is bringing together compatible couples.

Today's matchmakers work hard for their money—and they demand a lot of it. Prices for these pros run steep, and only a select few singles are affluent enough to afford the service. But you get what you pay for, and matchmakers are selective about their clientele, finding them via referrals as well as by scouring cocktail parties, political fundraising events and charity balls. Then comes an extensive one-on-one interview and background check. "I'm more than a matchmaker. I become a friend to my clients," says New York-based matchmaker Barbra Brooks. "I'm available to them at all times. After each arranged date, I interview both people for feedback, which I pass on—diplomatically, of course." Over the past 16 years, this personalized approach has resulted in "hundreds of marriages and at least 40 babies," adds Brooks.

No need to be wistful, though, if you can't afford to hire a matchmaker of this caliber. We've asked Brooks and three other exclusive matchmakers for their best tips on how to find love. Here's what they have to say:

1. Be realistic. "If you look like Roseanne, don't fixate on finding a Tom Cruise look-alike," says Brooks. "I also tell women who seem to be on a money hunt—that is, looking exclusively for men with big bucks—they'll have to change their attitude if their goal is a long-term relationship. Men can sense right away if you're out for their wallet, not their personality." In the long run, the most priceless attributes you should want in a mate are not looks and/or money but a loving heart, dependable nature and commitment to you.

2. Be a hot mama, not a prospective mama. "Men have a radar for detecting women who are baby hungry," warns Christie Kelleher, director of the New York office of Kelleher & Associates, an upscale matchmaking service for successful professionals. Kelleher, whose service has brought together about 6,000 marriages in 19 years, adds, "He's thinking, 'Whoa—I don't even know your middle name, and I already know the colors you want to paint your kid's nursery.'" Your best bet: no baby talk!

3. Make dating a priority. Janis Spindel, the self-described "cupid in a Chanel suit" and president of the New York-based Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking service, suggests that clients approach finding the right man as they would a job hunt. The key is to always be prepared because you never know when or where you'll meet someone. Wear clothes that make you feel attractive and plan ahead for interesting conversation. "You also need to change your routine," adds Spindel, who in the last 10 years has brought together more than 300 marriages and 400 monogamous couples. "Don't get your newspaper delivered. You might meet someone at the newsstand."

4. Nix the ex talk. On the first few dates, Brooks advises her clients to excise the desire to tell the new man all about the previous boyfriend. If your ex was fabulous, your date will feel he can't measure up. But if you bash your ex too much, your date could think, Whoops—she might be talking about me that way in a few months! Similarly, you should be wary of a man who can't stop talking about his former paramour. If he's still hung up on her, his heart has no room for you.

5. Neurotics needn't apply. You both need to be emotionally healthy to forge a successful relationship, says Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D., who founded a cyber matchmaking service called in 2000. For instance, it's not a good sign if you're in the relationship primarily because you're frightened of being alone. It's equally bad if your guy looks as longingly at the gin bottle as he does at you. Or if he's morbidly depressed. Don't fall into the codependent trap and think you can "heal" him. It's smarter to look for a man who doesn't need healing.

6. Mind your manners. Men are understandably appalled when their bright, attractive, funny date suddenly does something tacky like ripping a piece of bread in half and putting the other half back in the bread basket or applying lipstick at the table. "Men also find it gauche when the woman calls for the check," says Brooks. "The man wants to do the summoning of the waiter and the paying of the bill." Spindel also warns against a few more etiquette faux pas: "Be on time, shut off your cell phone, look him in the eye, not down at the floor. Don't ask him too many questions about his job. He'll think you're a gold digger." You don't need to be Emily Post, but if you display the sensitivity of a lamppost, don't be surprised if the first date is the last one.

7. Similarity breeds success. "This doesn't mean you've got to marry your clone. But when you're getting to know someone, ask yourself if you and he have the same core values," says Warren, also the author of Date...or Soul Mate? How to Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less. "Think money, intelligence, lifestyle and sense of humor," he says. And think really hard if your major life goals mix well. Both of you need to agree on the merits or disadvantages of marriage, making babies and whether to aspire to living in a tree house or a penthouse. These are things that you can start finding out in as little as a date or two.

8. Present a challenge. "Let the guy know you like him, but don't take his initial interest as a signal to latch on to him right away," Kelleher suggests. She points out that "three dates do not a relationship make." We're not talking The Rules here—don't hesitate to return his call in a timely fashion. But don't build your social life around him (for example, keep your Friday night theater subscription with your friend Beth) and don't press him to talk about his "feelings." Do make it clear that while he's a welcome addition to your life, he is not the whole enchilada. This is all subject to change after you have been dating awhile and the relationship has become more serious.

9.Don't be a babbling brook. Sure, you've got a host of charming stories, but save some for the second date. "Men really want to occasionally get a word in edgewise," says Brooks. Women should pace themselves and think of about two to three great stories to tell on their date. But don't go overboard talking about yourself!

10. Sunny side up. "My male clients bemoan the lack of warmth that women project," says Kelleher. "Guys say many women clearly don't want their date to give them a hug or open the door." Lower your guard, flex those lips into a smile and be nice.

11. Be a girl. Leave your professional persona at the office. "My male clients also complain that women often come across as masculine—dressing in stiff suits and debating their date on everything from what wine to order to world affairs to who gets the check," says Kelleher. (Let him.) In other words: It's a date, not a boxing match.

12. Look beyond his good looks. Don't be dazzled by a handsome face and buff bod. Is this guy worthy of winning your heart? "How good is he at relationships? How does he treat his mother? How does he get along with siblings, cousins and friends?" asks Brooks. If the answer to those questions is not too well, take heed. Once he is confident of your affections, he might revert to type and treat you like everyone else he "cares" about.

13.Be mindful of that ole black magic. At first glance you felt more of an urge to hold his hand than jump his bones? That's not a terrible sign: Physical attraction can deepen as you really get to know and trust each other. But there must be an ember of initial attraction to build from. Without any chemistry, Warren says, you're better off as friends.

14.Hold out before having sex. Spindel is adamant that you should forego sex at least for a little while. The matchmaker feels that until your guy is ready to commit at least part of his soul, you're better off not committing your entire body. Her rationale: "Ideally you should wait until you've had the discussion about not seeing other people. That way you're sure he's operating more out of love than lust."

15. Go with the flow. The real key to making it as a couple, says Warren, is that both people are willing to compromise. If one or both partners must always have their way and are threatened by even small changes, trouble will soon be brewing. For example, if he suddenly has to work late on a night you were hoping to cook him dinner, be understanding of his need to be flexible and have him come over for coffee instead of the main course. Of course, he should be really sorry for the change in plans and should want to make it up to you.

Sherry Amantenstein is a contributing writer for iVillage. Follow her on Google +.

A version of this story originally appeared on iVillage.


How to Get a Boyfriend: 10 Proven Tips To Get The Guy You Want

If there’s one topic I get asked about the most it’s how to get a boyfriend.

I understand. When you’re single and looking for a quality partner, it can be frustrating when you don’t find someone right away. And the more you want it, the more desperate you can get in wanting a boyfriend. The more desperate you are…well…the less likely you are to attract a man. It’s a Catch 22 situation.

But I’m here to tell you that, with a little patience and the tips below, you will find a boyfriend. You’ll find an amazing guy that you don’t have to settle for because he’ll be everything you want in a man.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 1: Be Confident and Show It

confident woman

There’s nothing more attractive to a man than confidence.

Even if inside you feel desperate and lonely, I want you to work toward projecting total confidence. It can take time, so if you don’t feel confident today, realize you need to work up to it. But men love confident women. A confident woman seems like she can take care of herself. She doesn’t appear to need a man but rather wants one in her world.

A confident woman is sexy. Desirable. Worth putting effort into winning over.

Don’t you want to come off as that woman?

I thought so.

Here are a few ways you can boost your confidence and improve your ability to get a boyfriend:

  • Smile at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you are beautiful every time you see your reflection. No one has to hear you!
  • Wear clothes you feel amazing in, even if you’re just going to the grocery store
  • Pull your shoulders back when you walk
  • Pretend you own the place when you walk into a room

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 2: Take Your Time

I know you want to figure out how to get a boyfriend today, but girl, you need to be patient. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but understand that the next man who will be your boyfriend is out there somewhere. But right now, he may not be emotionally ready to connect with you. He might be in another relationship. Hell, you might not actually be ready for a relationship.

When it’s right, it will happen.

When you try to rush finding love, you may waste a lot of energy bemoaning the fact that you’re single and complaining about how there are no men left. What do you think this energy does for you?


In fact, it may even prevent you from finding a boyfriend. You’ve heard the saying like attracts like? If you spend all your energy complaining about being single, you’re creating negative energy.  It’s like filling your body up with junk food. These junk thoughts impact what you attract. If you complain about being single, you’ll stay single. Or you’ll attract the wrong kind of guy simply because you don’t want to be alone.

So go slow. Learn to accept the fact that sometimes you will be alone. There’s nothing wrong with it. Embrace it. More on that in a minute. But first, a few ways you can learn to take your time as you learn how to get a boyfriend.

  • Realize that being single is a temporary situation. It might last a week…or a year. But it’s not permanent.
  • Watch movies like How to Be Single that show an upbeat view of single life.
  • Maintain high standards when talking to men. Just because you want a boyfriend doesn’t mean the next guy who messages you on Tinder is the one.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 3: Get a Life

active woman

Staying active will fill up your time and make you feel fulfilled.

Okay, let’s talk more about embracing being alone. I know it seems counterintuitive to finding a boyfriend, but bear with me.

It’s shocking how uncomfortable humans are with being alone. In a study published in Science Magazine, researchers found that, given the choice of sitting quietly with their thoughts or electroshocking themselves, an overwhelming number of participants chose the shocks.

Are you wigging out as much as I am about this??

Somewhere along the way, mankind decided that the only way to assign value to ourselves was to be surrounded by other people or in relationships. Who are you if there’s not someone nearby to tell you that you’re awesome?


You are awesome, and you don’t need a boyfriend or even to constantly go out all the time to prove it. But you may need to change your mindset and even your habits to ensure that you’re not sitting around feeling lonely.

The best way to find a boyfriend is to not be looking for one. Get a life. Be active. Do things you love. And then, when you least suspect it, someone great will come along. You might meet a guy at your hiking group’s weekly meetup, or at the coffee shop. But you won’t meet him if you’re sitting at home crying about it.

Here are a few ways you can get a life and stop focusing on wanting a man:

  • Pick up a new activity. Exercise is a great place to start. Rock climbing, anyone?
  • Find things to do alone that you love. Check out a great book. Rent a movie. Give yourself a manicure. Make this a habit.
  • Go out with friends…just don’t do it every night of the week.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 4: Be Open to Opportunity

Like I said in the last tip: you could meet a fantastic guy just about anywhere.

He could be the cutie who stops to ask you what you’re reading in the park.

He might be your next dance partner at the club.

He could be your brother’s best friend.

He might show up at your next business mixer.

You’ll notice that in all these scenarios, you are out and about when these opportunities arise. Again, they’re not happening for you at home! Yes, online dating is a tool you should consider, but you’ll maximize your chance of finding a boyfriend if you are open to the possibility at all times.

So how can you be more open to opportunity?

  • Put effort into looking nice whenever you leave the house. I’m not saying put on your full war paint, but clean, flattering clothes and brushed hair are a start!
  • Say yes to invitations for events you might not otherwise want to go to.
  • Smile! Every time you see an attractive man, smile at him. That way, he’s not scared off by your resting bitchy face.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 5: Be Ready to Commit to the Process

online dating

Online dating should be just one thing you’re dedicated to exploring.

I always say that dating is not for the faint of heart. You can put a lot of effort into talking to guys, then going on dates, and they may never pan out. You may start to get jaded and think, if I have to get all dolled up for yet another bad date, I am going to hurl!

But look at it like this: think about the last time you were job hunting. I bet you put a lot of time and energy into scouring those job ads, reading them, and applying for the ones you liked. Then you had several interviews, only one of which was a job offer.

You see where I’m going with this?

Dating takes dedication. You can’t put in 10 minutes a week and then throw your hands up and scream, I give up! There’s no one for me!

You’ve got to be ready to commit. It will take time. It will take emotional energy. Some days, you’ll want to give up, and that’s okay. On those days, I say just take a break. Spend some time by yourself or with friends and don’t think about how to get a boyfriend. You can pick up your efforts when you’re ready.

Just don’t expect results if you’re not ready to put in the effort. Here, a few guidelines:

  • Be open to all channels, including singles mixers, online dating, and meeting through friends.
  • Dedicate several hours a week to attending events and looking online.
  • When you get discouraged, back off. Have some time away from the process, then get back to it.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 6: Be Open to Who You Meet

Another mistake I see a lot of women make is not giving a guy a chance. This happens a lot online, where first impressions mean a lot. But in reality, guys can suck at taking good profile pics or writing their bios. So if you’re judging them by that, you might miss out on some great guys.

And even if you don’t hit it off with a man you’re on a date with, you never know where that relationship could go. A lot of dates that fizzle out end up creating great friendships.

I know a woman who went out with a man she met on OKCupid. The chemistry wasn’t there, so they decided to be friends. He invited her to a party he was hosting, and she brought her friends. Now they’re all friends, and the ladies often ask the gentleman for advice on reading men. That’s a bonus in my book, to have a male friend who can give you a different perspective on dating than your girlfriends!

So give a guy a chance.

  • Give him a second date. Some men are incredibly nervous on a first date and don’t make a great impression. But on a second date, they’re more at ease.
  • Before you swipe left, consider at least engaging in conversation. If he’s witty and intelligent, that blurry selfie might not even matter. Plus guys are better looking in person usually.
  • Don’t be closed off when going on a date. You never know what it could turn into (business connection, he’s got a friend better suited for you, etc.).

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 7: Flirt

flirty woman

How to get a boyfriend: step up your flirting game!

The best thing about being single is that you have the license to flirt. Hard. Not only does flirting boost your confidence (not to mention the confidence of the man you’re batting your eyelashes at), but it also gives you the opportunity to get better at it. Oh, and it raises your white blood cell count and strengthens your immune system.

And heads up: you might have to be pretty obvious when you get your flirt on. In a research project, it was found that only 36% of men realized when ladies were flirting with them. DUH!

Even if you have no intention of making that bartender your next boyfriend, it can feel good to flirt and be flirted with. And the possibility of scoring a free drink? Always a perk.

  • Make a point to flirt with someone each time you go out with your friends or alone.
  • Smile. That’s the biggest part of flirting.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 8: Wait to Have Sex

When you do meet a guy that you’re into, those first few dates are pretty critical. They’re when both of you determine whether you have enough chemistry to take things to the next level, AKA a relationship. Having sex too soon can ruin your chances for this guy turning out to be a boyfriend.


Having sex too soon — like after just one to three dates — can put sex too much in the center of things between you and this guy. He may assume you’re only after a hookup or something casual when, in fact, you really want to develop a nurturing relationship.

And because many women feel more emotionally connected to a man after having sex with him, jumping between the sheets too early might make you feel like you’re into a guy more than you would be if you hadn’t slept together. In other words, sex can skew your feelings about a man. It can create a rosy glow that keeps you from seeing the flaws that ultimately mean you won’t end up together long.

So how long should you wait? Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, a white glove matchmaking service, says: “There are no hard and fast rules in terms of when you should be intimate with someone, but in general, it’s best to wait until you feel like you’ve made an emotional connection.”

Here are more tips to cooling your libido when you first start dating a guy.

  • Plan dates that keep you away from either of your houses. Netflix and chill is really code for “let’s get it on.”
  • If he’s pushing to get intimate, tell him you want to wait until you know one another better.
  • Keep those good night kisses short and sweet. Focus on the anticipation of when you finally do have sex! It’ll be amazing.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 9: Question Your Reason for Wanting a Boyfriend

You put so much energy into wanting a boyfriend…but have you considered why you want one?

Is it because you don’t want to be lonely anymore?

Because you want someone to spend your weekends with?

Because you’re horny?

Because you want to make your ex jealous?

Or is it…

Because you’re at a point in your life where you’re ready to be a great partner?

Because you want a partner to learn from and grow with?

Because you’re ready to give all your love to one man?

This second batch of reasons is perfectly legitimate. But if, when you’re really honest with yourself, you agree with some of the first batch of reasons why you want a boyfriend, I encourage you to explore those reasons. As I said before: being lonely isn’t the end of the world. It can actually be really fulfilling if you let it. If you want a more robust social life, go out with your friends or make new ones. If you’re horny, well, you don’t need a man to help with that. 😊 And if you want to make your ex jealous? Grow up. You’re better than that.

  • Want to get into a relationship because you’re ready and have love to give.
  • Only look for a boyfriend when you’re completely okay with and secure in yourself.
  • Constantly revisit your reasons for wanting a man as a reality check.

How to Get a Boyfriend Tip 10: Put Yourself Out There

It can be incredibly scary to put yourself out there, especially if you’re recently single. But I’m telling you here and now: if you’re not willing to be brave, you may not find a boyfriend as quickly as you’d like.

Creating an online profile on a dating site is scary as hell. But really, what have you got to lose? Even if you only play around with it and never go on dates, you get a feel for the tool and maybe get some good texting experience under your belt.

Walking up to a guy at a party or in a bar takes guts (imagine how we feel!). But you’ll never see him again…unless it works out. So give it a shot.

Giving a guy your number doesn’t mean you have to marry him. If he asks you out, it’s just drinks. Or dinner. Or coffee. Or whatever. You’re not signing your life away.

So just do it. Be brave and allow yourself to try things you never thought you would, all in the name of love.


how to get a boyfriend

Be patient. Love will find you when you least expect it.

My best tip on how to get a boyfriend?

Just let it happen.

Be open, be brave, and be confident.

Your next boyfriend — who very well could be The One — is out there. The anticipation of when he’ll fall into your life is half the fun. Wake up every day happy and full of expectations. Could today be the day you meet him? Do you already know him? Allow the magic of dating and finding the right guy to fill you with enthusiasm.

After all, what’s the alternative? Sulking because you’re not partnered up? That’s no good.

I know when you have friends who are married or who are couples, it can be hard being single. But think of it like this: some of your girlfriends may envy you. Their relationships might look great from the outside, but usually, you have no idea what’s really going on. One girlfriend could be putting up with a cheater or just a loser guy, and may not be brave enough to leave him. Another may not have had sex for years.

So yea, from their perspective, your singleton life may look pretty fabulous.

So embrace it. Enjoy being able to do exactly what you want to do. No checking in with someone. No having to factor in the fact that your man is a vegan/nondrinker/introvert when you make plans. You can eat popcorn and ice cream for dinner and watch chick flicks all night. No judgment.

But one day, you’re going to meet a marvelous man. And some of what you loved about being single will go away. Certainly, you’ll trade one set of perks for another, but you may look back at your single time and be a little nostalgic.

So live in the moment, you Sexy, Confident lady. You won’t be single forever, so make the most of the time you have before Mr. Right comes along.

What tips do you have to add on how to get a boyfriend? Leave them in the comments below.

happily ever after
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First things first, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. No bae, no problem, right? But if you feel stuck wondering how to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, take this quiz to figure out the real reason you haven't found your match.

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If you answered mostly with the first column...:

Some people can’t keep up with your bold spirit — but that’s their problem, not your's! Amazing opportunities come to you because you rarely back away from what you want, and your boldness will weed out any crushes who can’t commit to the adventure. Find someone who matches your fervor for life — or consider a shyer soul who will appreciate your take-charge attitude.

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If you answered mostly with the second column...:

You just haven't met the right person yet! When you meet someone who makes you light up, you'll know. Until then, there's no point in stressing out. You might be a little shy around strangers, but it’s worth making an effort to meet new people (and get to know the people you already know a little bit better). Don't worry if it takes a little time. The best things in life are worth waiting for!

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Justin Bieber - Boyfriend (Lyrics)

When you’re single and looking, it can be supes frustrating to hear meaningless platitudes like “Your soul mate will come along when you least expect it!” from your most happily coupled-up friends. Cool, guys, I’m sure my next S.O. will just waltz into my living room one Tuesday night when I’m binge-watching Netflix on the couch. Yeah, no. Truly putting yourself out there and meeting people can be super hard, let alone meeting people you actually legitimately like enough to start a relationship. Plus...what if you’re not the waiting-around type? “When I least expect it” isn’t a time you can plug into your Google calendar. Sometimes, you want to take things into your own hands and actively look for a new partner on your own schedule. And while we love dating apps, they’re definitely not the only way to find a new flame. (Although, yes, it can totally feel that way sometimes.) After all, people used to figure out a way to do this on their own, face-to-face! But you may have to get a little more creative and adventurous than hitting up the same old bars you and your friends always go to. Now’s the time to branch out and try something new in order to meet someone new! We rounded up 39 totally creative ways to meet guys IRL—and nope, none of them involve swiping of any kind. Sorry though, they most definitely *do* involve getting off your couch. You’ve got this. (And once you meet someone new, we’ve got you covered with fun, unexpected date ideas too. You’re welcome.)


A me google boyfriend find

#1. Take Care of Yourself

Getting a boyfriend is easier than you think.

Most women date badly, so if you follow these simple steps you will naturally put yourself in a position to get a boyfriend… Fast.

Consider this article a quick primer on effective dating.

happy couple


80% of your results come from mastering the basics

When I see a woman with unshaven legs, my heart cries.

I think you know the basics.
Now you must just stick to them.

That’s the ABC and you have to take care of that.
Let’s add something that will really set you apart instead:

Life is a number’s game. And dating is even more so

Do a lot of events, meetups, mixers and after work drinks. Take up classes.

Which classes to choose?

Well, Data shows environments with more women make men lazy and entitled. Pick something that is either 50/50 women to men or that has more men in it.
Here are some great ones where you’ll be the big prize in the room:

  • Tech meetups
  • Coding classes
  • Sports-bars (I know, they suck, just give it a try)
  • Outdoor sports

Then, once you’re there:

#1 rule of social skills: make it easy for people to do what you want

Some guys will approach anyway.

But you gotta lower the bar so it won’t just be players and drunk slobs who’ll come your way.
Here are a few signs of availability without looking easy:

  • Smile a lot & be upbeat
  • Don’t reject men you don’t like harshly
  • Talk to your friends and glance at him
  • Look at him, then look down
  • Look at him, then smile

For more pictures and videos, check out “does she like me“, where I break down the signals of attraction.

does she like me

Now to make sure your potential boyfriend comes to you:

Not even the best womanizers can hit on an hidden woman… Let alone normal guys

I actively seek to meet women when I go out.

And sometimes I’d like to (friendly) slap some women to instill some wisdom.
They stare at a guy, smile, talk to their girlfriend and then look at him again… They give me all the typical signs of interest.

But they never move from sitting in their big circles of friends! It’s as if they’d be scared to make it easy for him to say hi.
Be smarter instead:

Avoid These!

The idea of going out is to increase your chances. If you do any of the following, your chances plummet:

  1. Going out with guys (men won’t approach)
  2. Sitting the whole time
  3. Staying in the middle of your girlfriends
  4. Getting too drunk
  5. Flirting with everyone and getting to know noone

Do the following:

  1. Go out with just a couple girlfriends
  2. Go to the bar by yourself
  3. Move around a lot
  4. Don’t smoke, but go out in the smoking area
  5. Go to the bathroom often and by yourself
  6. Go outside by yourself for a breath of fresh air
  7. Look at people dancing by yourself
  8. Admire the view (if there’s any)

Don’t be afraid of being a bit by yourself: we are past the jungle age and guys don’t carry a club anymore.
Not the bad kind at least (allow me at least one bad joke per article :).

Lower the bar in your social circle

Most relationships bloom from workplaces or social circles.

Yet even there, many guys are wary of mucking it up with everyone around knowing it.

The solution?
Tell everyone your colleagues are lovely.. But just as friends. You don’t date colleagues and friends.
It will make you seem more precious and lower the pressure for guys to ask you out. And when you go out, the more informal dates will give you a better chance of assessing them for who they really are.

And if you end up hitting it off, it will only seem like you’ve made an exception for them, thus boosting their self esteem.

Oh, because of course, to hell that rule, you never meant it to begin with. Who says you can’t date colleagues anyway?

Also read:

Which net catches the best fishes? The wide one!

Sometimes women ask me this:

Should I use online dating?

And I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Like, you’re looking for a relationship and you not yet using online dating??

That’s like saying you have been looking for a job and haven’t prepared your CV yet!

Sure, I get why some women aren’t there yet.
I remember laughing once at the online description of a Tinder profile:

I wish you had spoken to me on the metro instead

Yeah, I wished it too he had done that.

Of course in person is ideal and you dream of a finding a boyfriend who’ll sweep you off your feet.
But while we keep that dream alive, be realistic as well.
Hope for the best but also cast your net as wide as possible and you will get as many boyfriends candidates as possible.

Why Online Dating?

Many great men can be more on the shy side.

And many great men might not even approach at all.
Why should miss on those? It’s a huge market!

And of course, there are many high quality men who are too busy to go to lots of social events.
And maybe they don’t take metro because they got cool cars :).

Plus, as Hussey says in Get The Guy, the guys who are most likely to approach you are also more likely to be players. And too smooth an approach can be a sign of a womanizer.

Rejection give women a rush of power… Which they will enjoy all by themselves 🙂

How to get a boyfriend in the shortest possible time?

Give as many men a chance!

Why It’s Important You Give Chances

The paradox of choice if a well known phenomenon which says that, in front of many options, we end up unhappy and without picking anything.

Modernity is a huge dating paradox of choice.
Urban life, dating apps and social media make us feel as if there are good men everywhere. Hollywood movies and advertising further raise our expectation beyond reality.

The result?
Women wait and wait… And wait.

But the reality might be harsher: there aren’t that many great men. And the more time goes by, the fewer there will be (math says so!).

Don’t let that happen to you: to get a boyfriend, give those boys a chance.

dating paradox of choice

Emotions are contagious. And honesty is refreshing.

Scarcity does up your value… Up to a very limited point.

But unavailable games are also often abused and misused.
I talk about it more in depth in 7 biggest mistakes women make in dating. For here, suffice to say that if you really wanna use scarcity, tweak it like this:

You: I’m very busy and don’t have much free time… But I can find some for someone who deserves it

Now you communicated scarcity -if you really need to do that- plus showed him the light at the end of the tunnel. And you built him up.

What to Text Before the Date

But best of all, in my opinion, is showing candid interest.

Emotions are contagious, so he’ll likely feel the same. Plus a honest gal is so refreshing!

I wasn’t going to be too moved whether this date was on or not. But after she sent me that message?
A question mark on her “yes”, plus adding she was looking forward… Now me too, I was really looking forward to it!

text to get a boyfriend

Not once in history did a woman get a boyfriend by canceling a date

Once you set out the date, don’t flake.

Don’t cancel and try not to reschedule.
The reason is deeply psychological -and scientific-.

The Science Behind It

It’s the sad reality of back-rationalization (Eagleman, 2011).
If you don’t make it happen soon, your mind will back-rationalize that maybe you didn’t like him that much.
That’s not true, but that’s how the mind works.

Example: hit when it’s hot

Many times I’ve had underwhelming first encounter. But we met quick and things just happened.

Some other times I have had an amazing first encounter with a woman.
Then something happened that we had to reschedule the date. And we never met again (example below).

texts to get a boyfriend

We missed the first try. Missed the second too. And it never happened. It was a great connection, and maybe she’ll end up with some boring schmuck.

The spark is great. But love also builds over time: don’t depend on the sparks, create them

Listen to this story.

Aziz in his book The Tao of Dating talks about a girlfriend of his who had just been on a great date. The two daters talked for the whole night and they had so much in common.
But… She wasn’t sure she was going to see him again.
The reason? There was no spark.

Spark’s Great…

Now don’t get me wrong, I love an initial chemistry. It’s amazing.
But The spark is [email protected] as a predictor of long lasting love and of commitment. If you are wondering how to get a boyfriend, that’s NOT by looking at sparks.

Me and this woman had a great spark.
With lots of fireworks soon after, too.
And see how it ended:

failed relationship with a time waster

.. But love develops over time

Love is often like developing your passion: it builds over time.

People who feel the butterflies are often anxious attachment type dating an avoidant attachment type. And that’s the recipe for the worst relationship you can have.
Indeed anxious women craving intimacy often pass up the best boyfriends –secure attachment types– because, well… They’re too stable.

Let his momma smother him

This is another very popular basic advice you know already.

And it’s mostly for the girls out there who want to get a boyfriend but get too needy when they’re about to get one (check Why Men Love Bitches).
However, in my experience, this is a minority of women in the west.

But if it’s you, well, try to keep a balance of contact. Let’s say no more than 1.-2 times for every time he contacts you.

In a world of gamers, honest women shine bright

But don’t play unavailable games either.
The whole dating advice industry is built on two (often wrong) fundamentals:

  1. Be unavailable (make him chase)
  2. Invest little (and make him invest much)

Both work, but almost nobody says they work only in specific scenarios and, often, with the wrong kind of guys.

It works with avoidants, the guys who can’t commit, because they will be very happy that you keep the distance (and if you want to get a boyfriend, you need to screen these guys out).

If you want to get a boyfriend fast, I recommend you do the opposite.
Look at this woman how she sped up the dating while also dropping games (and while also showing me a lesson and taking control of the dating process):

dating games text

The alternative?

Life is a tango. And there’s no dance if the partner doesn’t dance along

Bruce Bryan in his great Never Chase Men Again says that high quality men have little tolerance for egocentric women.

Asking for the moon will not make you sound like a prize, but like an entitled princess on a pea (and entitlement is a typical trait of low quality women).

That’s why you should move the relationship forward together with him. One step him, one step you. He comes towards you, you move further towards him.
He does something nice, you do something nice back.
That’s how you advance steadily and resolutely towards a committed relationship.

Read more here:

How Test Men for Relationships

If he doesn’t do much to further the relationship, I like this technique: the big surprise.

For example, invite him home where you have a home cooked dinner with a top wine, candles and all.
Then, if he appreciates and gives back to you, he’s a keeper.
If he doesn’t, you might want to drop him.

And that’s how get a boyfriend the smart woman way: screening quickly the time wasters who can’t commit to quickly find the men who want to be your boyfriend.

Good things come to those who don’t wait

Some best-seller dating books would want you to behave as if you never wanted a relationship in a million year.

I say I’ve never heard a biggest BS than that.

Some other books swung the opposite direction and would want you to ask for a relationship before sex. I say that’s way out of line and will only work, again, with men you probably don’t want as boyfriends (read: should you delay sex).

What The Solution?
Steve Harvey of Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man recommends you ask for a relationship early. Because demanding commitment shows you’ve got standards. And standards are a sign of quality.
And I couldn’t agree more.
Here’s a quick idea the woman of my last committed relationship used on me:

You: I don’t do sex outside of relationships

We were already intimate, and the fact we were having a great time together was all leverage for her to come up with that very early -like 3rd date or so-.
She doesn’t threaten anything directly, which you should never do, but does two great things:

  1. Shows her value: she’s not a fu*k buddy type of gal
  2. Implies we might not see each other without a committment

Shoot. Or get off the range

Now relationship skills take center stage.

But it would be beyond the scope of this article.
For now, congrats :).
Then later you can start reading on relationship theory here and on practical applications here.


And here’s a one sentence summary on how to get a boyfriend ASAP:

Cast your net wide: date fast, date many, commit quick or get off the pot.

While this article is primarily my opinion, it is also based on copious amount of dating advise I investigate, lots of personal experience, years and years of observation and a deeper than average knowledge of psychology and sociology.

Justin Bieber - Boyfriend (Official Music Video)

How to Get a Boyfriend in Three Weeks

Article SummaryX

If you want to get a boyfriend within 3 weeks, try asking friends if they could set you up with someone. For example, you might say, “Sarah, you have a lot of guy friends. Could you set me up with someone for next weekend?”. When this isn’t an option for you, try talking to guys in social settings, such as during recess at school or when you go see a movie with friends. During a conversation with a guy, give him signs with your body language to show you’re interested, like leaning towards him when he speaks and smiling at him. Additionally, flirt with him by laughing or gently teasing him. Once you’re done with small talk, try to find something you have in common, like video games or a sports team, which will give you something to chat about in more detail. As your connection develops, ask him out on a date rather than waiting for him to ask you. You could say, “It seems we both like movies. Do you want to go see a movie with me on Friday night?”. For tips on how to have fun together once you’re in a relationship, keep reading!

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,192,480 times.

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